Happy New Year
December 31, 2005
I just posed in my Wonder Woman outfit in an old silver phonebooth.
I’m off to see They Might Be Giants.
Happy birthday to you-know-who.
Photos soon! Re-gifting Show recap soon! I love you all!
Punned by the Times
December 31, 2005
Here is the last audio clip from my radio interview on “The Stress Factor,” in which I discuss seeing my breakup mocked in the New York Times (yes, this really happened!)
[audio:13_punned_by_the_times.mp3]
Punned by the Times
Related posts:
audio: I had a baby with a gay man
a radio clip, featuring “fellatio plus melons”
shout-out to all my peeps from Montclair State and “The Stress Factor”
Fleshbot likes their hotties smart but plasticwrapped
December 30, 2005
Congratulations to Molly Crabapple for being named one of Fleshbot’s Top Ten Hotties of 2005. They picked a really creepy photo of Molly wrapped in plastic like a RealDoll (creepy in a good way; the photographer is my buddy Burke Heffner).
Molly has declined to be photographed as Wonder Woman for the Wonder Woman blog, and has instead offered to draw herself as Wonder Woman. Oh, the powers of illustration!
And to finally finish kissing the ass of my already-BFF, here’s her latest New York Press article, Naked in the City. And if you’re an artiste, go draw at Dr. Sketchy’s in Williamsburg on January 14th. I’ll be there even though I can’t draw.
mail order husbands
December 30, 2005
I found this mail-order husband site off a link from a Salon article about legislation to protect mail-order brides. The men all seem to be Ukrainian, and some of them are kind of cute. I liked this fellow’s profile:
“I am a marriner, navigation officer. I finished Marrine Accademy. I love to explore Internet when i am not in the sea. And I like music, movies, nature and many other things.I speak perfect English.”
It is, in fact, difficult to explore Internet when you are in the sea! But, oh, how great it would be to explore Internet with you.
I wonder if the guy advertising “I have a secondary-special education and I am an operator of gas boilers” realizes that American women will think he is retarded.
I like the guy who offers “I like cars, help in cooking in the kitchen, sauna.” Who doesn’t want to get cooking in the sauna with a Ukrainian looking for a Green Card? Hott!
Check out this open-shirted literature hunk (pictured). This is ridiculous. I’ve always wanted a man who can “wear different clothing styles.”
Tonight, someone is getting the Mickey Mouse ears
December 30, 2005
Remember the Seinfeld episode about “re-gifting” — giving as a gift something that was given to you, but you didn’t like enough to keep? Bring an unwanted gift to this show — all gifts will be circulated and redistributed, so you might come home with something better! Comedians will keep you entertained as the bad gifts go ’round.
“The Re-Gifting Comedy Show”
December 30th, 11pm, FREE
Pete’s Candy Store, 709 Lorimer St in Williamsburg
Jesus is Magic
December 29, 2005
On the Comedy Central holiday special that aired on Christmas, Sarah Silverman defined schadenfreude as German for “Look, that Jew fell down.”
a quarter-century of wonder
December 28, 2005
So, last week when my mom saw pictures of me in my Wonder Woman underpants, she, naturally, assumed the act of wearing them was referential; of course I had had Wonder Woman underpants as a child, and of course I would remember this.
On the occasion of my visit, my mother searched through her photo collection, and finally discovered the germane photos — but it turns out, I was not four or five as she had remembered, but rather a mere two-and-a-half, which is why I have no memory of having owned (and posed for photos in) Wonder Woman underpants.
And now, having returned home to my scanner with these photos, I present, “Jen as Wonder Woman: The Past Twenty-Five Years.”
Uncanny, no?
Announcing: The Wonder Woman Blog
December 27, 2005
Allow me to now officially announce my project with co-blogger Syd Bernstein:
*** The Wonder Woman Blog ***
An excerpt:
This blog was created due to the convergence of several events:
- Unbeknownst to anyone, I had recently been to the Bust website and purchased the Wonder Woman Cami and Panty Set.
- I had a vaudeville show coming up, and I like to rock a good costume from time to time. Then, while advertising the vaudeville at a comedy show the week before, I blurted out “…and I’ll be hosting in my Wonder Woman underpants!” And then I was committed to doing so.
- I did, in fact, host a vaudeville show in my Wonder Woman underpants. Photos were taken, and those photos were put on the internet.
- In response to this, my mother dug through her family photos and produced a thing I did not know existed: photos of me in Wonder Woman underpants from when I was two.
- Therefore, I clearly needed a blog about this.
We are eagerly accepting photo submissions of readers dressed as Wonder Woman.
displaying our own erudtion, like a peacock attracting a mate
December 27, 2005
Today’s Word of the Day is:
apposite \AP-uh-zit\, adjective:
Being of striking appropriateness and relevance; very applicable; apt.
I rather enjoyed the sample usage of the word:
Suppose, for example, that in a theoretical physics seminar we were to explain a very technical concept in quantum field theory by comparing it to the concept of aporia in Derridean literary theory. Our audience of physicists would wonder, quite reasonably, what is the goal of such a metaphor–whether or not it is apposite–apart from displaying our own erudition.
–Alan D. Sokal and Jean Bricmont, [2]Fashionable Nonsense:
Postmodern Intellectuals’ Abuse of Science
I want you in my lasso of truth
December 27, 2005
I have updated the Photos section a bit, and created the next Shout-Out email newsletter, queued to go out later this morning.
To receive future emails from me (now including Best of the Blog links, plus jokes and audio as always) … oh, here’s the box:
What would you say if I told you I had started an entirely new blog, dedicated to pictures of (other) women in Wonder Woman costumes?
Well, I totally did.
do we have to shock people all the time just because we’re so darn liberal?
December 27, 2005
One year, Salon commemorated Mothers’ and Fathers’ Days by publishing a litany of stories about people being abandoned and abused by their parents, choosing to have abortions, etc. Eventually, some people wrote in to complain and they cut it out.
I was reminded of this when I read this week’s Savage Love — for Christmas (in commemoration of the Virgin Mary), Dan Savage decided to write about “virginity horror stories.” They’re pretty terrible, and, indeed, funny. But also sort of a loud, pottymouthed cry for attention (headline: “Jesus Busted His Own Mom’s Hymen!” Ahem).
no one should ever shout at you while you are on the Stairmaster
December 27, 2005
We live in a society that hates fat people, but has also made it politically incorrect to say “Goddamn, it feels fantastic to be thin.” We’re all supposed to linger dispassionately in the mid-ranges; it’s like the fallacy of middle ground.
I have finally found a type of salad I like (I hate lettuce, but it turns out I dig spinach), and I’ve been making spinach salads with dried cranberries and flax seeds and chevre and raspberry viniagrette. When I say it feels good to be thin, I mean it literally — my posture is much better when I get really thin. It feels fantastic to be standing up straight all the time without even thinking about it. I’ve never actually heard anyone else mention the effect of one’s bodyfat level on one’s posture, but I’m sure I couldn’t be the only one.
While on the topic, though, I think the reality show The Biggest Loser is one of the meanest, least productive things I’ve ever seen. It’s practically a human rights violation.
Torturing people as they try to lose weight for sixteen hours a day, and then putting them on a giant scale in front of their teammates and the opposing team, where, even if they’ve lost weight, everyone will likely be disappointed in them for not losing more? Have these people not heard that you shouldn’t do anything on a diet that you wouldn’t be willing to do for the rest of your life? (You shouldn’t!) This show was so mean!
I think a few of the contestants were classic, ultracompetitive type-A personalities who took the ball and ran with it and will now be super-annoying, mountain-biking, protein-shaking drinking, jogging-at-5am-type diet fetishists for the rest of their lives. But that hardly justifies sending the message to America that getting healthy requires torturing yourself, public humiliation, and exercising until you cry. I hate you, NBC.
Semi-relatedly, this young man has been on a jam sandwich diet his entire life.
A request, my dear readers.
December 27, 2005
I would really like to pre-sell thirty of the “Jenisfamous Portable Comedy Compendium” books. It would help me greatly with the printing.
If you are interested in ever owning a Jenisfamous/Molly Crabapple illustrated comedy book, would you please consider ordering it now? I will send it to you with great love and care when it is ready. Thank you.
xo
Jen
The Jenisfamous Portable Comedy Compendium (pre-order)
You’ve heard the jokes. Now they are lovingly illustrated by artist Molly Crabapple, and interspersed with “best of” bits from the blog, odd little footnotes, and even an intermission. This 4 x 4 inch novelty book makes a great gift item, and is available signed.
This product is available for pre-order and will ship following its print run.
$10.00
See more merchandise in the store
the value of punctuation: it conveys meaning, part II
December 27, 2005
Oftentimes, deli awnings will last various items sold at that deli, sometimes seemingly without regard to priority, as in “CIGARATTES CANDY NEWSPAPER COFFEE FISH.” All fine and good, and the meaning is clear. But I laughed the other day when I saw a deli that listed only two things, one above the other in a box next the name of the deli, like this:
COFFEE
SANDWICHES
Coffee sandwiches! Tasty!
You can get “coffee jelly” (as in Jell-O) sometimes at places that sell bubble tea. But I’ve yet to see a coffee sandwich.
Once for a party I made espresso cookies and then realized after the fact that I had used so much coffee that I needed to warn people. I did the math, did some googling, and put up a sign warning people that consuming more than three cookies was inadvisable, and ten could cause a heart attack.
(I found that picture by searching Google for “nutella sandwich”).
Related post:
the value of punctuation: it conveys meaning!
advertising versus rice-bowl death match!
December 27, 2005
You can advertise on Jenisfamous.com or on SarcasticSex.com for just $5.36 a day.
That is well over the cost of sponsoring a child in a war-torn nation, but, hey, your call.
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