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Seriously, “cool smiley”?

June 30, 2008

The Wordpress platform I switched to when launching the new site two weeks ago has a novel interpretation of that character “8″ followed by the character “)”, and that interpretation is not “Here’s bullet point number eight!” 

From this post:


Yo Momma’s Vocabulary Builder

June 30, 2008

The publishers of The Yo Momma Vocabulary Builder were nice enough to send me a few copies to give as prizes at the Vocabulary Bee.


I love this book; I found it in a Barnes and Noble and laughed like a total nerd at:

“Yo momma is so sybaritic, she makes Liberace look ascetic!”


“Yo momma is such a philistine, she thought Crime and Punishment was a WWE tagteam!”

Sure beats the SAT shower curtain, especially once your bathroom starts fogging up.

An announcement from Monkeybicycle that happens to concern Jennifer Dziura and also Sarah Silverman and David Cross and stuff

June 27, 2008

Direct from the Monkey’s mouth…

Hello all.We’re happy to announce that our fifth print issue is now officially in stock. If you’ve ordered a copy already–or are a contributor–it’ll be in the mail this week. If you haven’t ordered yet, please do so now. Everyone should have at least one copy of this. Here is the line-up:
issue5.gif Sarah Silverman, Patton Oswalt, Myfanwy Collins, Johnny Ryan, Davy Rothbart, Wendy Molyneux, Aaron Burch, Bret Scott, Elizabeth Ellen, Matt Craig, Timothy Bennet, Pete Grosz, Liliana V. Blum, Katie Schwartz, Tyler Smith, Michael Frissore, Antonius Wiriadjaja, Amy Guth, J. Marcus Weekley, Matt Summers-Sparks, C. J. Kershner, Ben Tanzer, Jennifer Dziura, Peter Bognanni, Charlie Anders, David Hart, Noria Jablonski, Bob Fingerman, Vince LiCata, Jack Pendarvis, Christopher Monks, and an introduction by David Cross.

Incredible, right? So, go ahead and pick one up today! Thank you, as always, for supporting Monkeybicycle.


Monkeybicycle staff

worst of both worlds, or clever discount scheme?

June 27, 2008

I’m not sure what “senior citizen children” are, but it’s nice that they get discounts on haircuts.


Taken in Williamsburg, Brooklyn near the Lorimer L stop. 

This Saturday: The NYC Spelling Bee in Soho

June 26, 2008



June 26, 2008

Here is a fun, word-related application that takes whatever text you enter, extracts the most common words, and creates a “beautiful word cloud.” 

I put my bio page from this website into it, and got this (click to enlarge):

And here’s one I got by pasting in the text of Machiavelli’s The Prince:

and a picket fence, and a dog, and…

June 25, 2008

My uncle has sent me a link where I may purchase a garden zombie.   


Oh, yet another amenity I cannot have in a New York apartment.  Unless I turned my apartment into a sand pit.  Actually, wouldn’t that thing look great climbing out of a hardwood floor?   

“Two stellar spellers tackle issues of the heart”

June 25, 2008

My spelling co-host bobbyblue and I were interviewed for a column by Judy McGuire in this week’s TimeOut New York, in which I use the phrase “McSweeney’s man-whore.” 



In the print version, the words “write me at” were Photoshopped onto my whiteboard, above “” 

Games and Philosophy and Bronzer

June 24, 2008

dziura-jennifer.jpgI have been informed that I appear not once, but twice, with my name spelled two different ways, in this amNY article: Bars that mix drinking and games.

I also appear, along with this small, highly tanned photo, in Dartmouth Life.  

The Chelsea Mind Games show mentioned in the first article has recently set itself up on MySpace, but is sadly friendless, so please feel free to befriend Chelsea Mind Games if you are so inclined.


June 23, 2008

My mom posted this in the comments of this post, and I thought it deserved its own post:

photo-56.jpgI wore that blue Future President shirt with the arrow, when I was pregnant with you!A man stopped me one day and asked, “You mean we have to put up with Jimmy Carter for 35 years?”

I think he confused “future president” with “next president”. I laughed anyway.

I should have had a shirt that said“Future Comedian, Blogger, Spelling Bee Impresario”. Then everyone would have been asking me what’s a blogger?  

In the 70’s it could have been mistaken for a drinking or drug reference. Jen is so blogged.   

* Juno reference.  I hated that movie.  Along with Knocked Up, and the ending of Baby Mama.  

Stupid shoes on adult women

June 23, 2008

I’ve been seeing a lot of adult women wearing really horrible clunky sneakers, sneakers with bottoms so thick their only possible purpose could be to hide roller-skate wheels:


Turns out they’ve actually been these, which do not allow the wearer to skate, but rather are supposed to give the wearer a nice ass by making you use more lower-body muscles to walk:


I was really wondering why so many adult women suddenly felt so childishly whimsical that they needed to roller-skate down the streets of Manhattan. Instead, they are willing to look silly now for a slight chance of well-developed calves later.

today’s celebrity sighting

June 21, 2008

christian1.jpgToday around 12:30 I stood in line at a Garment District Starbucks in front of Christian Siriano.

He was adorable! His hair was perfect (inasmuch as his flatironed construct is supposed to be “perfect”), and he was wearing an amazing chunky watch, tight jeans, and very shiny black patent velcro sneakers.

As we waited for our coffee, I said, “Do you always look so amazing?”

He said “Nooooo!” in a sort of flirty-sounding voice.

I told him I liked his accessories, and sped off with my iced trippio.

Dual photo post, regarding matters trichological and linguistic

June 20, 2008


I got a haircut, and the nice lady (rather counterintuitively) curled my hair with a flatiron. 

Oh, stop it already with your inexcusably poor grammar.

if I can’t have coffee, alcohol, or sushi, I am totally outsourcing this distasteful task to India

June 20, 2008

I don’t think it was very tasteful to make a “MUST HAVE COFFEE” shirt in “maternity.” I was thinking the other day that it would be funny to get myself a maternity t-shirt, like the kind that says “Future President” and has an arrow pointing down at the belly, and just wear it for the hell of it. When people ask if I’m pregnant, look at them like they’re crazy.Here are some ideas:

It’s raining (highly educated) men

June 19, 2008

Ha!  While Googling my own show, I discovered this Craigslist Missed Connection.

Chelsea Mind Games – w4m – 25 (Chelsea)


Dave, you may not have won the vocab bee, but you definitely won my heart (or at least a lot of staring). Props for making the final round, anyway!

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