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NYC Photo Post

February 28, 2009

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I read the first two lines of this quote on my Starbucks cup and thought immediately, “It’s diversity! The next thing on this cup — clearly diversity. I’m reading your mind, unchallengingly inoffensive corporate-pandering Starbucks cup!”

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Yep. It’s diversity.

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And this — this is the front window of an HSBC on fiftysomethingth street. It says “This vestibule cannot be used as a thoroughfare.” What percent of the people for whom this message is intended do you think actually understand it?

Aww, New York Times, You Shouldn’t Have!

February 28, 2009

The spelling bee is in the New York Times!  One thing I love about being in the paper of record is bobby’s and my being referred to as “Mr. Blue and Ms. Dziura.”

Thanks, Stephanie Goodman!

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In the Post

February 26, 2009

I’ve got a quote in a New York Post article today, thanks to Mandy Stadtmiller.

“How About a Quickie?”

February 24, 2009

Wow, I totally missed blogging about my appearance in this article when it was published in May, 2008.  Some people took the assignment seriously.  Me (and The Onion), not so much.

Fun Fact: I am Obsessed with Medical Curiosities

February 24, 2009

If you know me well, you know I really never tire of medical curiosities.  Fetus in fetu?  I’m there.  Conjoined twins?  I totally agree that photographers shouldn’t follow around private citizens … which is why I was so delighted that they made a documentary.  The two-foot-tall pregnant woman?  OMG!   So now … I would like you to enjoy kittens with facial duplication and cyclopia

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This is what I do all the time that I’m on the internet but not blogging. 

One-Woman Show Pics

February 23, 2009

My show went great! Thanks to everyone who came! And god bless Abbi Crutchfield for taking pictures!

Here is Abbi’s photo set. If you watch it in slideshow mode, it’s almost like being there, except without all those stupid “words.”

All photos by Abbi Crutchfield. Toga by Emily Pepper. Directing by Evan Cabnet. Slideshow operation by Syd Bernstein. Goodness by Ars Nova.

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It’s Tonight!

February 19, 2009

WHAT PHILOSOPHY MAJORS DO AFTER COLLEGE

Thursday, February 19 at 8:00PM
at Ars Nova
511 West 54th Street (just west of 10th Ave)
New York, New York 10019
N/R/Q/W to 57th St; A/C/B/D/1 to 59th St; C/E to 50th St
$15

From Socrates to Sartre, the greats of Western thought are empirically, profoundly, and unquestionably hilarious. Comedian (and Williamsburg Spelling Bee maven) Jennifer Dziura knows this is so, and now that she’s left the confines of Ivy League philosophy classrooms she wants to enlighten everyone!

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Get Tickets Here

(Tickets are available at the door as well).

Frequently Asked Question(s)

February 18, 2009

The show is tomorrow!  

Yes, tickets are available at the door.

My agenda for today included the item “toga fitting.” 

A Little Bit of What Goes Into a One-Woman Show

February 17, 2009

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There’s more. But I wouldn’t want to, you know, give it all away.

Some Ways I’ve Thought of To Express My Genuine Dislike of Wire Hangers Without Sounding Like a Classic Film Harpy

February 13, 2009

Some Ways I’ve Thought of To Express My Genuine Dislike of Wire Hangers Without Sounding Like a Classic Film Harpy
by Jennifer Dziura

  • full.jpgCould you please not use any wire hangers? Thank you.

  • You know what I don’t like? Wire hangers.

  • I really enjoy hangers that are made out of any substance except wire.

  • If you have a hanger that is made out of wire, could you please leave it outside? Thanks.

  • Would you like to read my online dating profile? Right here, it says that I like croissants, reading, and long walks. It also says that I dislike stovepipe hats, pigeons, and wire hangers. Just saying.

  • You know what movie I really identify with? The one where that woman with the domineering eyebrows finds some wire hangers and beats her adopted daughter for using them. No, I’m not really sure why that scene works for me.

February 19th in NYC: Buy Me, I’m For Sale!

February 12, 2009

WHAT PHILOSOPHY MAJORS DO AFTER COLLEGE

Thursday, February 19 at 8:00PM
at Ars Nova
511 West 54th Street (just west of 10th Ave)
New York, New York 10019
N/R/Q/W to 57th St; A/C/B/D/1 to 59th St; C/E to 50th St

From Socrates to Sartre, the greats of Western thought are empirically, profoundly, and unquestionably hilarious. Comedian (and Williamsburg Spelling Bee maven) Jennifer Dziura knows this is so, and now that she’s left the confines of Ivy League philosophy classrooms she wants to enlighten everyone!

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Get Tickets Here

LASIK Pushers Hate Your Glasses

February 10, 2009

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I bought new glasses in Argentina in order to take advantage of the favorable exchange rate. I really love them.

Then, just as I arrived back in New York and commenced readjusting to being happily bespectacled on a full-time basis, I saw this annoying ad (the three images below were intended to rotate in the same space):

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Yes. You should take your glasses off in the pool. This will pose a huge problem, however, because precise aim is so important when doing cannonballs.

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You are in the park. Why doesn’t your hot chocolate have a lid? Glasses aside, you should put a lid on your hot chocolate so birds don’t poop in it.

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Um, when you’re on a first date with someone who has terrible taste.

Note: Glasses-wearing also affords the wearer the valuable privilege of not having to see his or her sex partner’s every nose hair, wart, and sty. Glasses-wearers do it in soft-focus. Or no focus.

Pretty Young Gentlemen Like to Have Pretty Similes Made About Them

February 6, 2009

lovers2.jpgMeno O Socrates, I used to be told, before I knew you, that you were always doubting yourself and making others doubt; and now you are casting your spells over me, and I am simply getting bewitched and enchanted, and am at my wits’ end. And if I may venture to make a jest upon you, you seem to me both in your appearance and in your power over others to be very like the flat torpedo fish, who torpifies those who come near him and touch him, as you have now torpified me, I think. For my soul and my tongue are really torpid, and I do not know how to answer you; and though I have been delivered of an infinite variety of speeches about virtue before now, and to many persons-and very good ones they were, as I thought-at this moment I cannot even say what virtue is. And I think that. you are very wise in not voyaging and going away from home, for if you did in other places as do in Athens, you would be cast into prison as a magician.

Socrates You are a rogue, Meno, and had all but caught me.

Meno What do you mean, Socrates?

Socrates I can tell why you made a simile about me.

Meno Why?

Socrates In order that I might make another simile about you. For I know that all pretty young gentlemen like to have pretty similes made about them-as well they may-but I shall not return the compliment. As to my being a torpedo, if the torpedo is torpid as well as the cause of torpidity in others, then indeed I am a torpedo, but not otherwise; for I perplex others, not because I am clear, but because I am utterly perplexed myself. And now I know not what virtue is, and you seem to be in the same case, although you did once perhaps know before you touched me.

Sexy Socrates

February 6, 2009

From the Meno:

Men. And now, Socrates, what is colour?

Soc. You are outrageous, Meno, in thus plaguing a poor old man to give you an answer, when you will not take the trouble of remembering what is Gorgias’ definition of virtue.

Men. When you have told me what I ask, I will tell you, Socrates.

Soc. A man who was blindfolded has only to hear you talking, and he would know that you are a fair creature and have still many lovers.

Men. Why do you think so?

Soc. Why, because you always speak in imperatives: like all beauties when they are in their prime, you are tyrannical; and also, as I suspect, you have found out that I have weakness for the fair, and therefore to humour you I must answer.

NYC Spelling Bee in Paper Magazine

February 6, 2009

On Paper’s blog:

SCENES FROM THE NEW YORK CITY SPELLING BEE AT HOUSING WORKS, BY REBECCA PRUSINOWSKI

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